Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
