I hate all girls vehemently.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
