So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
