Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
