at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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