Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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