id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
