If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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