I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
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We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
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Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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