We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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