FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
