1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
