By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
