This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize