I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
