oh god the rape fog is back!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
