At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Everclear isn't food dammit
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
