Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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