So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
