hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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