And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize