He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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