kristin has been a bad kristin
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
