when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
