worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
