I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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