My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
