he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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