I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
