I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
