Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
