I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
