you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
