I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
