i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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