I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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