May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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