Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
