Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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