Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize