I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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