You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
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I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
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I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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