Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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