You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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