My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
