And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
