he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize