you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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