Acid is not a monday night drug
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
