I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
