I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
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i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
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Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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