I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
