So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have a pirate flag
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize