I puked a lego.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
