C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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