Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
he thought i was a dude.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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