My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
