shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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