i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
