Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
