Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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