Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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