so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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