i already hear my dad disowning me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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