So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
