he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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