in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
dude. I can hear the air.
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