I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
