i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
