I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
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My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
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He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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