I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
