i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
