I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
