The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
