fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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