its not stalking. its research.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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